Life in my 30's

Seeking God & Self

So I wrote this on FB the other day and thought I would share here…







I am no Bible scholar, but I do know it is written that God will sometimes speak to us through visions in our dreams.  He does this because many times are spiritual ears are shut off by the world. I was just awoken by a dream of my “mother-like” figure and best friend from Central Church of God. Grace, her name, was like the cherry on top.  I of course attended church to hear the sermon, but Grace…, she was always so sweet and welcoming, with out-stretched arms.  When my life turned sour, my “friends” from CCOG left me to the wolves/wilderness.  I was a newly saved Christian so this made it even more difficult and confusing.  They were there for a time, maybe a season as we put it, but my heart was scourned and full of hate for God and his people who could just leave someone—anyone, whether Christian or not doesn’t really matter.  When people learned that I had started living in a gay lifestyle, I definitely got no reply.  Grace will never read this as she’s not on my friends list, nor has she ever written back to any attempt to reach her.  I’m not sure what God is trying to say, except a personal message for Mesheala on forgiveness.  We are all human, whether our choice is salvation or not.  We all have emotions–some warm and fuzzy and others dark.  We all struggle, we all yearn, we all have the capacity to hurt others, we deal with man everyday who are all faliable.  The list goes on and on—we deal with it.  My plea to everyone is, whether you believe in God/Jesus are saved, lost-whatever-whatever you believe.  Practice forgiveness anyway.  Do it because it’s what your heart needs.  Do it because your soul needs to find peace and reconcile something.  I hated God and I hated his people.  How could anyone, especially saved Christians, washed in the blood, desert anyone?  Take away the “label” and you’ve still got man- once again, faliable, unperfect, and dealing with life.  I don’t know why I had a dream about Grace, except to ask for forgiveness from God, and to forgive Grace, and in a round about human way-forgive God because in our human heart and eyes—we will see Him just as we see man– full of imperfection.  I don’t have this all figured out-none of us do, and I believe we never will—at least here on earth.  So, Grace to answer your question from my vision- you are my best friend.  You opened your home to me when I was sick, you answered phone calls, visited me, rocked me almost like a baby, and Lord knows-gave me coffee and peanut butter toast. Ha!  But seriously, maybe God will pass along the message to Grace that I still love her. not that Grace needs it, moreso, my heart and soul does- but I forgive you Ms. Grace, and I forgive CCoG who scared the heck out of me into never setting foot inside a church again.  You know what, for me sometimes it is better to remove the “label”—not forgetting that I a saved by the Grace of God, but to help remember that I am human, not above anyone in any form or fashion.  If Jesus dweleth in you—there is no reason to flash your badge that says “Christian.” Walk it-show it.  Everybody has their own story–I lost mine and maybe am just now getting my story back.
I also woke up this song in my heart—which I used to believe God spoke to me through music as I believe He will find whatever way possible to speak to your heart.
There’s a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid
Of what you are
There’s an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away, hey
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside’
Cause you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
Lord knows (Lord knows)
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away, yeah, yeah
Just hold on
And there will be tomorrow
And in time
You’ll find the way (you’ll find the way)
Much love everyone!  Have a blessed day!  Do something good for someone today.  Forgive someone, or if you can’t forgive them yet, work towards it.  Make your heart happy doing good things.  And not that attending a church carries any significance for some- but maybe visit one—maybe God has a message for you. The packaging may be off or who knows—but God’s timing is perfect.

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This entry was posted on July 24, 2012 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .
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